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I'm a pianist, happily married. Socially progressive, chocolate lover, interested in the nature of reality, alternates between being a slacker and being a grind.

8.27.2010

The Living End (Reflections)




I just devoured a book called The Living End, by Guy Brown. It was a well-written account of how the circumstances of death have changed drastically in the past 100 or so years. In the old days, something like 40% of humanity never made it to their 5th birthday. Life expectancy was still low even for those who made it past 5--they were most likely to die in their 30s or 40s from acute causes like infectious disease, famine, violence, complications from childbirth, etc.

Nowadays, in an age of good sanitation and antibiotics, people live a lot longer but tend to die of chronic conditions like heart disease, cancer, respiratory disease, and dementia, often after at least a decade of poor health. Even fatal heart attacks have become less common (when you think about it, that would be a good way to go--it's quick). Now, instead, people live with congestive heart failure, or a fragile, jerry-rigged heart, kept going by technology and drugs.

The first third or so of the book, as you might imagine, was a bit of a downer. There is no evidence, he says, that a good diet, exercise, supplements, etc. slow down our aging rate at all. Yeah, you'll be healthier, but a 65-year-old in 2010 is just as physically aged as a 65-year-old in 1510. So all of this increase in life expectancy isn't front-loaded onto youth; it just adds years onto the end, when you're less functional.

The cool part of the book was the discussion about how death has changed from a "digital" (1 you're fully alive, 0 you're fully dead, with no gray in-between) to an "analog" event (more like a dimmer switch). From the book:

The digital theory of death is dying. We can no longer think of ourselves as suddenly going from being fully alive (1) to fully dead (0). In the same way we have accepted that we do not jump from being non-existent (0) to fully alive (1) at birth. Becoming a full human being is a process. We grow into it over a period of years and decades, but then we grow out of it. That does not mean that aging is growing up in reverse. They are obviously completely different processes: an extremely old person is not the same mentally or physically as a new-born baby. But growing up and growing old could be thought of as growing into and growing out of life. This would give us an analogue theory of life and death: there is a continuum between life and death. Life is not all-or-nothing, there are degrees of life; at some times in our life we are more alive than at other times. We’d all agree that at some times of the day (or night) we are more alive than others. But to assert that some people are more alive than others is a political bombshell. However, whether we like or not, the future reality where the majority of us die demented or cognitively impaired will force new concepts of life and death upon us.


Later in the book, he applies this analog theory to the concept of self. Our cells, organs, etc. are constantly dying off and being regenerated over a lifetime, like a wave that is made up of different water molecules as it advances. In our culture, we've always thought of the "self" as a kind of unchanging spiritual essence that stays constant throughout life and survives in eternity in some sort of afterlife. His theory suggests that the self is just as fluid and ever-changing as the body or the degree of being alive.

All of the memories of every experience we've ever had affects the chemistry of our brains, wiring them differently for each individual. Neurons die or get pruned constantly--there's no way we could remember everything that's ever happened to us. The very act of calling up a memory changes the neural pathway where it's stored. The life experiences/memories that make you unique are therefore constantly changing--it's just usually so gradual you don't notice it.

Are you really the same self at 80 as you were as a baby? This makes sense to me, but seeing it spelled out like that made me sort of uncomfortable. The "self" is such a big deal in our culture. Paul has read the book too, and we're trying to figure out what actually constitutes the "self."

8.25.2010

Back After 2 Years!

During this last few days before school starts again, I just read everything I've ever posted on this blog. It was very entertaining, and reminded me of some of the things going on in my life that I would have forgotten otherwise. Haven't posted here in forever. Tried to sign in here a couple of nights ago and found myself locked out, but somehow managed to get in today.

I've been using Facebook since May 2008 for connecting and keeping up with friends and family. It has many advantages--I'm more likely to post something when it has to be under 450 characters or so--but once it scrolls off the page, it eventually disappears. Now that I know I can include anything I post here as a link there, I may use this to post things going on here that are longer than a status update.

Here's what's up in my life right now:

  • School: 3 years down, 1 year left to go for my Associates in Accounting. Only 3 classes left,at least 2 of which will be very hard. I've kept up a 4.0 GPA all this time. Lots of nights at the computer until 2:30 a.m., spending 12+ hours per week on each 4 credit-hour class. Other than school breaks, I've had many months with virtually no life at all. It's nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
  • Work: still at CWRU, Windsong, and the UU Society. This summer, I started working for Cleveland City Dance. I really enjoy the atmosphere there. I'm just so happy to be back at a ballet school again. I'll be back there after Labor Day, maybe as much as 3 days/week, depending on enrollment. That's as much as I had the year before last at Gladisa's, before I lost that job.
  • Home: Paul and I just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. I never know what we're going to talk about at the dinner table, just that it will be interesting. Last night, we talked about the mole measurement in chemistry, the history of the periodical table, stupid right-wing beliefs, and Eastern vs. Western ideas of the nature of the self.
  • My gradual slide into lax eating behavior over the past 1-1/2 years. I got so sick of anal-retentively logging all of my food and activity. Thank God for Lycra in all my clothes is all I'm going to say. Ugh, though. I look a little "round" in recent photos. I'm gonna have to lose this and get back on the wagon, but I'm not quite ready to do what it takes. I think I've gained back about 15 pounds (not that I would know for sure, not having stepped on a scale for weeks).
Well, I'm off to a meeting at the UU to plan the choir schedule and discuss other choir-related concerns before rehearsals start up again this Sunday. I have really enjoyed the summer break from choir. I am kind of burned-out, as I come for the rehearsals on a volunteer basis, which doesn't feel optional. I have feedback I want to share about time management of rehearsals, picking of music that's appropriate for the limited skill level of the choir, etc. I don't want to sound like I'm just bitching and complaining, so I'll have to think of a constructive way to frame it.