Not a Pretty Seasonal Transition

I have to say, this is one of my least favorite times of year. The weather mostly sucks. We still have a few filthy mounds of snow from the storm I wrote about three weeks ago. Wet, mud, and/or slush seem to be the most prominent features of "spring" so far. I thought surely the crocuses must be up by now, and took a walk up Hessler Street to check them out the other day. Not a one. Not even the greens yet. Just a few hardy snowdrops. Usually the crocuses are about spent by now and the daffodils are about to explode. It looks like the snowiest March on record has slowed down our already typically late start to spring.

The semester is almost two thirds over--only 6 weeks to go. I am enjoying the Financial Accounting class, but I have to say, the next College Composition class I take will not be the honors one. I am doing extremely well--my grade is a 95.77 so far--but, boy, do I ever have to work for it. I am still a slow writer. The assignments are getting harder and harder, so I never get any faster. The last one was the worst. I had to read several esoteric literary criticisms on Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, most of which were so dense I had to read them all 5-6 times before I could even begin to understand their arguments. Then I had to pick one and write an essay on my take on their arguments, backed up with plenty of evidence from multiple sources. Ack. Easter was not fun. In fact, as Borat would say, writing it was major "pain in my assholes," as I described it to Paul. As a small comfort, my classmates also had a hard time with it and we were able to commiserate online. I actually did very well on mine, finally scoring a perfect 10 for the first time in this class. The discussion afterwards was actually exhilarating, and I made a really good comment in support of the value of literary criticism. Prof. Panza quoted my comment in one of his online announcements to the class, which made me feel pretty great.

Things are getting better. Sure signs of spring:

• I was able to ride my bike to church today, since it was above 35 and not raining!
• It's not pitch-black at 8 pm anymore.
• Spring concert rehearsal season is in full swing,

and

• Mouchie has taken to peeing on the floor in front of the front door again.

Ugh, ugh, ugh. As if "yack season*" weren't bad enough. I have no idea why he feels so compelled to do this. Every. Single. Spring. It's not marking behavior. He was neutered at 4 months, and it's only on the floor (not the wall). We actually use the front door multiple times a day, so if he thinks I'll give in and put another litterbox there, well, sorry, ain't happening. I've tried tinfoil and a carpet runner with the pointy side up. Supposedly, cats don't like walking on those surfaces, but he just brazenly pees on it. It only makes my clean-up job harder. Pet repellents and "training aids," both the clove- or citrus-scented organic and the nuclear-waste chemical varieties, have absolutely no effect on him. Even serving his food there won't stop him from peeing less than 12 inches away from the food dish.

Last year, I bought a heavy rubber front porch mat from the hardware store that had such a strong chemical smell it almost knocked us out. That really worked, and I thought I had fixed this for good. Apparently, the smell has faded to the point of losing its repellent power. There must be something about the changing light or the sound of the birds that brings out this lovely behavior. He only does it in the early morning before I get up to feed him. I wish I could booby-trap the area to dump water and/or make a nasty noise only when HE enters it, not when we do.

One thing that did work for 3 days last week: I put up a cheap wooden baby gate in front of the stairs, but that's not all. He can leap over it easily enough, so I got a large blanket out and draped it over the railing, clipping it in place to make the barrier too high and deep for him to penetrate. He foiled me yesterday morning, though. All the papers from the ledge over the stairs were scattered in the stairwell by the front door, and there was the puddle of pee. My barrier was untouched. The little stinker had used his acrobatic skills (which I had sorely underestimated) to leap down and then up several feet because he really wanted to pee there. This morning, Paul got up at 7:30 and put him out on the deck, which solved the problem for today, but only works if the weather is decent. I am running out of ideas.

Maybe I should go to the hardware store and buy a big-ass piece of thin plywood, big enough to reach from the top of the stairs to to door, and just lay it down over the entire area at night. If the entire surface is at a 45-degree angle,with no toeholds, may that will render it sufficiently unpleasant for him. I'd hate to have to shut him in the downstairs family room all night, every night, but that's the next step if this doesn't work, and if I do that, he might find some even more unpleasant way of showing us what he thinks of that idea. Any of you cat people have any advice?

*Yack season: that lovely time of year when we shed our winter coats and leave a lovely upchucked surprise on the floor (carpet only) several times a week.